


I...

by sadifura



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Monologue, Self-Hatred, inner monologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 05:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6458554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadifura/pseuds/sadifura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takumi wishes he were like his siblings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I...

**Author's Note:**

> uhh so. i got this idea when i was on the verge on a mental breakdown and my mental state was really bad  
> so it. it might be triggering (tws: mentions of abandonment issues, suicidal ideation, self hatred, self harm mention) 
> 
> my bpd was really really bad that one day and. i sort of vented it into writing this in my brain
> 
> a lot of it. mirrors my own fears and delusions i have about my family 
> 
> i don't own fire emblem. all characters belong to their respective creators

I hate my family.

I hate their faces, their numerous talents, the attention that I will NEVER get. 

It's always ME being compared to THEM.

 

I hate not being like my family. 

I hate that they never ever have to deal with the shit I have to deal with. THEY never get paranoid; THEY are never overstimulated; THEY are never envious; THEY are always so FUCKING PERFECT THAT IT DRIVES ME UP THE WALL AND I HATE THEM. 

I bet they talk shit about me all the time, too. I know how people are. I hate how they probably talk shit about me. I hate it I hate it! I know EXACTLY WHAT THEY SAY ALL THE TIME TOO. They're probably all like, "Takumi isn't normal. Takumi needs help. Takumi is bad. Takumi should kill himself. Takumi isn't needed. Takumi should cut his wrists and die. Takumi should choke himself with his yumi. Takumi is bad. Takumi is bad." 

It's probably not their fault they think this way. I have that shit running in my head all the time like a fucking broken record. I bet nobody in my family has to deal with that, either! They just go about their lives like nothing's going on.

I feel like I'm the only one in my family who probably needs help with shit, too. Even before all this...mess, this war stuff, this...bad shit in my mind stuff...started, I needed stuff to help me get along. I know what they say; "Takumi, you're so intelligent!" "You're the smartest one in our family, Takumi!" "Everyone compliments you on the work you do!" 

You know what I say about what they say, though? It's a big fat lie. I've always needed help. The schools in Hoshido were so loud I'd start crying and pulling on my hair; Ryoma knew that, and silently got me out of public school and into homeschooling with Mother. I didn't doubt the homeschooling helped with the overstimulation shit, but, I'd still get overstimulated after too much, or doing something wrong, and I'd get mad and do something reckless and rash to myself or even Mother.

Nobody in my family ever did that.

All of them went to the Hoshidan public schooling. Even Sakura, sheltered as she is, did some public schooling before the war.

And another thing that frightens me: Corrin. 

I knew they'd always abandon me. I sensed something bad. Years of fearing abandonment trained me for it too; I knew someone in my family would walk out and leave me. I hate Corrin. I hate Corrin. I hate Corrin. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.

I wish I was like everyone else. I wish I was like my family.

 

I wish I didn't need help with things at all.

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry if this sucks


End file.
